Today we are inspired by astrology… with special guest Joy Lerner we discuss the major lessons of our zodiac signs… We discuss the effects of the elements (Fire Water Air Earth) on our personalities… Our life choices based on our birth chart (the place and exact time we were born) like my own (Gemini)… The meaning of every day… The big 3: Sun Moon Ascendant… How planets go retrograde… And we end with a short overview of 2020 and what’s ahead for 2021….
‘Healing doesn’t mean arriving at a place where you feel happy all the time. Healing means arriving at a place where you no longer judge your emotions and therefore you no longer resist them. Self mothering anchors you with the inner resources confidence and compassion to turn toward your emotions and feel safe to express them‘ Shaelyn Cataldo
Hi. Now that I’m a mom of three, I took my time to share this post. As I wrote posts for my first and second child too (click links to read) I owe you. So in short: I enjoyed three months of our ‘old life’ with my newborn – a third amazing fast and natural birth, a great Brit Milah celebration, family visits from around the world, dining out, concerts, spa treats (yes with days young baby) and many other things that since March became ‘our old life’ and are on hold until further notice…
So let’s go back to the beginning: a third pregnancy. If you ask me if a boy’s pregnancy is different from a girl I’d say yes; but I’m not sure if that is the reason for an ‘easier’ pregnancy. Maybe I was in a better ‘place’ and maybe it didn’t leave me much time to think about it. So no, I did not enjoy pregnancy, ever. I just let it pass step by step, semester by semester, with a lack of appetite for anything and only gaining 7 kilos. It’s long and there are no shortcuts. The whole 9 months, everyone kept complimenting me how good and skinny I looked, but who cares? I’m the opposite of many moms: I gain weight AFTER birth when I start breastfeeding and regain my taste of food and life…
My 3rd child Raphael was born on December 12th 2019 in what I consider the fastest birth. Both my girls were born naturally at week 38; therefore I assumed this one would clearly be the same. Everything was planned and calculated for a 38-week-pregnancy. Family from overseas came even earlier, all my plans for home and the girls were set. But then baby Raphael reminded us of a first major life lesson: let go of control, the baby knows when is the right time! I became so impatient others kept asking ‘any news? Et aloooors?’ In the last week of my pregnancy I did various attempts and tricks to induce birth. Now I’d like to advise you trust the timing of the babies: THEY KNOW. It was a Tuesday evening at my house with my family; I was having contractions but not more or less than the last few weeks. Around midnight everyone fell asleep and my parents and brother walked to their nearby apartment (approximate 9 minute walk) leaving their phones on as they did for the last month. One hour later the fast forward button hit me and all at once: very strong contractions, an immense pressure on the lower back and the only thing I could say: He’s coming out. I quickly woke up my man and called my parents apartment telling to come NOW. At 1:15AM I called my parents apartment AGAIN saying COME NOW COME FAST; RUN. I realized we wouldn’t make it with the car and we started calling MDA. We both started dialing numbers it took us a few before the right one: 101 (See screenshot below I even dialed 911 LOL). At 1:17AM we called the right number for Magen David Adom. Raphael was born in the hospital birth room at 1:50AM. That is exactly 33 minutes since our phone call. They came super fast: 2 motorcycles and 2 ambulances – I guess it was quiet and they were excited to get a birth. My mom ran from her flat and of course panicked when she saw the ambulances! She saw me briefly as I was in a rush 🙂 The girls were sleeping didn’t notice a thing. The ambulance drove fast with the siren and burnt all red lights (first time in an ambulance). I can tell you it those bumps are pretty uncomfortable when you are in active labour! Arriving at Ichilov hospital a few sleepy women tried to register me and ask questions. I threw my file at them and said gotta no time now. I was week 40+5. God bless Amir my love who managed to be my partner in crime/birth, schlep the bags, do the bureaucracy, AND film the whole ride (I haven’t watched that video yet). Within seconds we were up going up the elevator to be met by the midwife I knew was the right one for this birth: her looks and vibe were exactly what I needed. Beautiful, tall, smiling, blond and good serene vibes. Her name was Sheshi, she said she’ll check opening and in a push he’ll be out. I was opening 10 and she was right…
I wish I could remember the smell of a newborn baby forever. What a feeling. The most powerful moment ever. You feel like a superhero. You’ve waited all your life for this moment and especially the last 9 – even 10 – months you were counting down to this. The rest of my 36 hours at Ichilov were spent quietly and connected to my baby despite the fact that Yoldot A (the new luxurious wing) wasn’t available. Still went up there with some wine in the evening with my family and friends, felt like I crashed The Norman Hotel Lobby. I was also a remotely running a big dj production and my team of girls were updating me of the whole night by Whatsapp messages…By the morning Amir went home and a few hours later my daughters parents and brother came to meet the youngest member of our family. No need to explain the emotions and pride…. By Friday noon time I was out and by the evening we were dining at TYO in Neve Tzedek. Finally I had my appetite back, a big glass of cold white wine. I know some people and traditions refuse to take a newborn out. Well I do. I did it with my girls too. Raphael went out everyday since he was born including to a rock show 4 days later. I was on such a high of finding my body back, of having met him finally, of having had such a powerful birth. Of not being pregnant anymore.
Thanks to my brother we had great photos and graphics. And my dream was a brunch at The Norman with my family, friends and work colleagues. It was so hard to wait and not be able to plan, but the minute he was born we were on it. It was the perfect celebration and I’m glad I listened to moms advice: to separate the actual Brit Milah from the celebration. We did a small intimate family gathering at our house with the mohel. I cried a lot. The baby was fine and then we walked to The Norman Hotel and had a great festive brunch, and I had a lot of bread pudding. Baby slept through the whole thing and I couldn’t show off his bow tie and ‘schleykes’…
A third child is like what I was used to hear from others. Lovey Dovey. The first three months were pure bliss. He completed us but at the same time the girls weren’t too disturbed by his arrival. We prepared them well by using the usual tricks: lots of talking, a baby gift to/from him, involving them in his life yet maintaining their routine and attention. I got my girls a personalized Peppa Pig Christmas book as baby was due around Hanukkah. In the early months it’s easier, babies eat and sleep mostly so he was with me, on me and the girls loved caring for a baby brother without feeling their mom or dad were less available and nothing in their routine changed. The Japanese Spa in Jaffa was a true treat and amazing birth gift as Raphael came with me and enjoyed every second…
But then came March, Purim and Covid19 invaded Israel too. Overnight my work ceased – yes I was working during my ‘maternity leave’ on upcoming shows that sadly never happened. And as he turned three months, he had his first fever. A third baby with two older siblings in daycare in winter would of course create viruses other new babies wouldn’t be exposed to. But this one was scary because we were just catapulted into our first lockdown. And god bless my amazing friend and pediatrician Dr. Herman who is always there to evaluate and comfort. You never get used to a sick baby. God bless the inventor of the suppository – I looked it up and it’s as ancient as the Greek and Romans – when my baby has the highest fever I’ve seen I just cry and worry, seeing your baby suffer is just unbearable and one never gets used to it. At least now I don’t fear the suppository anymore. A short praise for breastfeeding again. I would never judge you if you don’t but I’ll always encourage you to try. For short and long term benefits, for bonding aspects. I believe what I read when breastmilk adapts to the baby’s needs: more fluids, more antibodies to fight diseases and I believe they regain their power faster. I also see how they start eating solids with more force as their sucking reflex is very developed. Another thing I praise and again, doesn’t mean it works for all of us is co-sleeping: I never felt tired with this baby (remember the concept of breastsleeping for both mother & child). From day one, Raphael slept on me, then later next to me and a year later he still refuses his bed. I don’t mind, I breastfeed in my sleep and I wake up fresh every morning. We always end up all together in bed. I remember a parent with teenagers once telling me how his kids don’t want him to enter their room so for me it’s clear: let’s cuddle and co-sleep as much as we can as long as they let us….
A few words on our months in lockdown mode: I consider my kids to be in the ‘ok’ age for a pandemic meaning we have it relatively easy. Let me explain: first lockdown was easy as baby was just 3 months young and we created a great routine at home together focused on the essentials: food, home and us. Second lockdown was a bit more challenging as Raphael was already crawling, eating food and touching everything (needless to mention the amount of danger with two older siblings i.e Barbie shoes, beads etc. That’s when I finally took that online CPR Class) By the way, why do babies always want to play with dangerous objects instead of their own toys? What does this say about the consumer society we live in? I’ll refer to my first post on motherhood: false needs created by society…
As much as I miss my work and live shows, timing was fine for managing three kids. Instead of being the show production team we became the home production team – multitasking as in handling the house the garden the kitchen and keep the kids fed, alive and happy. I hope we can all see the silver lining of this pandemic. See what it’s teaching us: to connect to the here & now with our families. The joy of basic and simple family time. To be able to just play with the kids despite laundry, mess or other home chores. As a mom with a radio show called Unwind RewindI wish I could tell you I master the art of just being. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t. I feel so blessed and grateful when I see my girls get along so great and play for hours with each other in their own imaginative and creative world. They are two years apart and so different (maybe that is the secret to such a fun and complementing connection?). Maybe the parents deserve some credit here too. They started as lovers, then became a couple and now a family (and a production team). When man and woman team up and can complete each other kindly; they can see the fruit of their labour in their children.
So yes lockdowns had their ups and downs and triggered some deep rooted issues to be solved and that’s where the holy me time comes in. Not to be defined in time or space but essential to any mother-woman. I always had trouble hearing parents complaining how hard it is. Yes there are challenges and your me time is often compromised but I repeat: as long as our kids are healthy and happy nothing should be defined HARD. I know one of the secrets to our parental success may be our age:. I had more than enough time before to do all of that – traveling, social, personal and any other achievements. No FOMO YesJOMO. Being a mother to Nellie, Noa & Raphael is the greatest gift I could ever get and the light & love they bring goes beyond my imagination. Every day I love them more than yesterday but less than tomorrow. Whoever knows me knows I wasn’t really into kids before having my own. So when it gets a little intense, just take a deep breath; before you know they’re all asleep and you’ll be looking at their photos before crashing (and canceling all those other things you intended to do: Netflix, bath, dishes, read, knit etc)
Every baby phase has its perks and its challenges in the first year. I cry over many moments that pass and will not return. Oh please, if I may give you a tip: write things down! Look at their huge baby books on the photo: weekly notes during pregnancy, drawings, souvenirs, little anecdotes, achievements etc. So how to conclude? Only you know which parent you are or want to become. Listen to your gut and follow the cues of your child(ren) instead of trying to control the situation at all times. The children know and they teach us if we connect to them. The key to successful (or conscious or mindfulness) parenting is to be present; be in the here & now with them. And yes, there is a big difference between your approach towards your first second and third child. First you can tell by the dirt and the amount of stuff in your stroller. The biggest challenge is to balance the guilt of sharing – or let’s say juggle – the attention between all kiddos. And not only to the one who screams the most or the loudest.
“Ring the bells that still can ring Forget your perfect offering There is a crack, a crack in everything That’s how the light gets in”
Ahead of Hanukkah, the festival of light , we go back to our childhood dreams, our heartbreaks and connect to our inner child’s wishes. We remind ourselves to accept darkness in order to have light. We remember that we are all equal even if different. That the contrast of black & white is necessary in order to find balance. No darkness without light, no light without darkness.
May you all have a wonderful Hanukkah and get lost in an abundance of light…
Unwind Rewind is here to undo with you… Go from active to passive from doing to being… We pass by the groove and check if our body responds to it… And then go back to breathing… In order to give ourselves and others slowness, softness and to allow our hearts to expand…
Hi friends and welcome to unwind rewind… Today an hour of talks and music around our body… the way we and others perceive it… the vessel that carries us through life… think about what it goes through, what it endures during a lifetime… Self care, Self love… Our body is a wonderland so let’s take good care of it…
Mens sana in corpore sano
Your body is a wonderland
Bell Bottom Blues (Live)
Just the way you are (Live)
Romeo & Juliet (Live)
Fields of Gold
Fields of Joy
More than words
Hall & Oates
When the morning comes
Francis & The Lights
The Sixteenth Lamb
Ani Ohev (I love)
Listen to all the songs compiled on my Unwind Rewind Spotify Playlist – without the talking
80 episodes of Unwind Rewind… Marilyn Ambach here to bring you an hour of softness, sweetness & slowness… With some live music to honor the live music industry…. Some thoughts on college and childhood… And how being connected to our roots is also what defines us ahead… And how we comfort our children and ourselves with a hug: It’s O.K.
Come down in time
Lianne La Havas
Starry Starry Night
The professor & La fille danse (Live)
Is it ok if I call you mine?
Before you accuse me
Tower of Song
Yoni Rechter, Avner Kanner
Kol od (As long)
Simon & Garfunkel
My little town
Listen to all the songs compiled on my Unwind Rewind Spotify Playlist – without the talking
Welcome back to Unwind Rewind after another month in Lockdown number 2…. Today we invite autumn leaves and rain in Israel… We discuss how the change of the seasons affect and fluctuate our bodies and minds… And all this amid a pandemic where we learn how to have a good Pandemic Meltdown once in a while…
Geshem beito (Rain in time)
Shlomo Gronich & Shem Tov Levi
Leylot Hastav (Autumn nights)
Time of the season
The Rolling Stone
She’s a rainbow
Over rainbows and rainier
Just the time of year (Live)
Autumn leaves (Live)
The Scientist (Live)
Daryll Hall & John Oates
Had I known you better (Live at Daryl Hall’s home)